i am an island
poetry
Our Dance: A Poem
Let’s talk about it
Let’s not talk about it
broken wings, slamming doors, fighting words
a pretty package in the sun
a glass house under moon
Let’s talk about it
Let’s not talk about it
both crossed my lines
you didn’t mean for them to
Let’s talk about it
Let’s not talk about it
And when it’s all said and done
I’ll still look for you
in every hurt
in every high
Because whether we talk about it or not
This is our dance
you and I
Nurturing Your Inner Child: Insights from Angel Gabriel
Let’s do an oracle card deep dive, shall we? Today, I want to introduce you to the first card in my Spiral Alchemy oracle deck: Angel Gabriel. Inspired by my younger brother Gabriel, this oracle card represents the collective inner child — the purest version of ourselves. It serves as a reminder to nurture your sense of wonder and authenticity.
So, if you’re curious about how this oracle card can offer guidance along your path to self-discovery, let’s get started!
The symbolism of Angel Gabriel
If saints are revered for their closeness to God, then Angel Gabriel epitomizes this divine connection. In Hebrew, “Gabriel” translates to “strength of God,” reminding us that to be closer to the divine is to be closer to the truest essence of your soul. Angel Gabriel is also known to be a messenger of God, teaching us that we can always be vessels for divine guidance and insights as long as we reconnect with our inner wisdom and intuition. That’s one of the ways we can find our strength.
Rediscovering the magic of childhood
Children embody the pure essence of joy, wonder, and authenticity, living in the present moment as conduits of love and light. I believe it’s one of our missions in this lifetime to rediscover the magic we felt about being alive as kids: to play for the sake of playing, to lose track of time, to believe in the impossible, and to rekindle the inner strength it takes to be unapologetically you in every unique way that manifests. It’s by nurturing this innocence that we remember why we’re here.
The impact of environment on your inner child
If you look back on what life was like for you as a child, you might remember being so invested in the present moment that getting out of your head and into your heart or trusting your inner knowing came innately. This wild child in all of us that lives sincerely is often beat out of us by the structure adults put in place or the pressure to achieve more, do more, fit in, be better. The truth is, children have it right all along without even trying — they know it’s enough to just be, to play along with life.
Unfortunately, not all childhoods are filled with wonder and magic. Sometimes, the world is cruel, and it can dim our inner light. Angel Gabriel reminds us that the strength and resilience we’re born with live within us and can be accessed when we need it most. To quote one of my childhood favorites…
Practical steps for self-discovery with Angel Gabriel
So, how can you honor Angel Gabriel and integrate his wisdom into your life for more freedom and fulfillment? You can start by rediscovering the things that once excited you as a child without overthinking it — those things that stem from the heart and soul, not the mind. Your mind will try to resist them at first and find “grown-up” reasons for why taking an art class in your forties is impractical or tell you that it’s too late. This is a lie.
Let me explain. Reflecting on my own childhood, I wanted to be a witch and make my dreams manifest into reality. I thought I’d be a pop star like Britney Spears, coming alive on stage. I wanted to draw and write about my life and create magic everywhere I went. While I’m not a pop sensation as an adult —yet (just kidding) — I can understand the essence of these dreams and how I can honor them now. Whether it’s the exhilaration I feel when taking a dance class, or the ways I’ve embraced my own unique witchy spiritual practice to find answers and seek catharsis, the answers were there from the beginning. I wonder if you’d find that yours were, too.
Using oracle cards to nurture your inner child
And there you have it — Angel Gabriel, the first card in my Spiral Alchemy oracle deck, inviting you to rediscover the magic of your inner child and embrace the wisdom of your soul. This card is one piece of a larger puzzle, a journey of self-exploration and transformation that spans across all 27 cards in my deck. In the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing more about each card and guidance on how to incorporate them into your spiritual practice to harness their power.
So, if you’re willing to follow along with me, please subscribe and stay tuned for more! Until then, maybe you could try something little you would be proud of this week. Let me know what magic you discover. 💫
Blurry Memories
Blizzard road. Red lights paving the way. Pretending to be asleep when we park outside the house. Papa carries my limp body to bed. He smells like cigarettes, pine, and honey.
He tucks me in and kisses my forehead. Later I hear him and Mama talk in the kitchen. The crack of a bottle. Red, blue, and green lights flicker in the living room while songs of chestnuts and reindeer play loud enough to make out some of the words.
Family parties full of noise and energy. The buzz of anticipation and infinite play. Bacalhau, baked potatoes, the smell of garlic and wine.
Fifty different conversations happening all at once, a low hum you want to live inside forever. Those days are gone. But I remember them like they still live on separately.
I can’t see them anymore, but I know they’re there.
Writing Freely From the Heart
At dusk, when the neighbors’ lights turn on, you can hear football in the living room and smell dinner on the table. They’re laughing about something you’ll never know, but it feels like you’re there. I take comfort in walking past the intimate moments of someone else’s life. It’s like I’m home even when I couldn’t be farther from it. Whether I’m here or not, home never dies. It’s in the sounds and warm hues of the apartments come to life on a Monday night.
Isn’t it beautiful how comfortable we can be with the unfamiliar? Strangers don’t feel strange when you see them in their homes. You can picture yourself there, watching the game. Serving a glass. Warm.
How many times have people walked past our apartment and felt at home there? What would they see? Our bodies dancing wildly under Christmas lights, our laughter, our cries, our conversations which wouldn’t make sense out of context — but what might they sound like to a stranger? Hues of green within a concrete hug in the spring, brick memories of molasses in the summer. I wonder if our essence follows them.
If there is a sixth sense and we can feel it sometimes, I think it’s when we feel connection with what’s unfamiliar. That would explain why we can adapt so quickly. Why two lonely islands can be brothers once they’ve met. Home follows. It doesn’t choose. It runs through time with you.
I think that’s why I love stories about time travel. Shows like Outlander fascinate me because characters find themselves hundreds of years in the past and manage to adapt because the fundamentals of connection don’t change. If we each have incarnated as energy or souls time and time again, it would explain why it’s the most natural things that make me feel the most. Flame, flower, fog. Books, beer, bumble bee. Music, mother, magic. I could find beauty in any time after a while. In the unfamiliar, which eventually becomes home.
Right now I see the flicker of my mystic rose candle, my stone goddess and buddha head. I see the tree that greeted me when we moved here and the cinnamon roof of the neighbor’s house across the street. I wonder how many times they’ve seen us naked. How many times they’ve seen us in general. I’ve only seen them a few times behind the blinds. The sky is a muted blue, somber as a blanket. The grass is never quite green enough, always a light dusting of death to remind us of the fires. But it’s home now.
#bloganuary #bloganuary2023
A Look Inside My Grimoire
A Piece of Me
From my insides you will find a tenderness so sweet
it rots the marrow of my bones.
Saudades for all that was and all that could be,
Tendons full of music, bursting, waiting to dance.
I can feel your heart.
I can see your spirit.
When the wind cries, when the moon shines, when the world is still
I know all is well.
make it better
ungrounded, unmotivated, unmoving.
walking in squares and hitting dead ends just to repeat it again.
i don’t know what’s happened to me
or to my dearest.
all tangled in electric knots, in mounds of pity
and I wish to whoever’s god that I could start over
try on a new avatar
leave it behind
without adding more sorrow or sinking the ship further.
so naturally, i’ll have to stay
one more day
and probably the rest too if that’ll make it better for them.
For My Eyes: A Bloganuary Poem
When I close the blinds
and prying eyes don't look inside
an ease of my strokes
is much easier to find
It's by removing the lens
that I unearth again
the truth of creation
without any of the pretense
For the river never stops
whether you come to watch
or lest you forget
nature runs without clocks
Remember your worth
when there's no one around
paint what you feel
and so on and so forth
Never Alone: A Bloganuary Poem
You don’t need to have groundbreaking ideas every day, but you should find meaning in every moment. Even when poetry is the last thing I can get myself to write, I see it all around me. I see it in the way the power lines on my street look like crosses and in the scent of new flowers about to bloom. It’s in the shrill echoes of the police sirens and in the voices of people going out for drinks on my block. All of these small everyday details find ways to command attention, which is why for today’s #bloganuary challenge I’m going to try to write a poem when I’m not inspired.
. . .
don’t fear quiet
and wish for filled spaces
your head doesn’t have to be hell
if you use it well
solitude can be solace
emptiness whole
in the presence of everything
you’re never alone
The best-kept secret
Striding toward the sun
linked arm in arm,
we always dive in headfirst.
We’ll make friends with squirrels
and fly with birds
until it’s time to reset.
I’d rather be idle
than on the go
when he looks so happy here.
Because life is simple
at its most grand,
blessed freedom and mother’s rays.
Art Alchemy 